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Some in the lifestyle don't believe the word 'dating' even daging and laugh at the idea. Many see engaging in the lifestyle as it centers only around the kink aspects of it. In a Female led relationship it can be very romantic and still maintain the Lady in charge dynamic.
It can be loving and gentle and in many ways similar to the nilla relationships. The main difference of course is that SHE sets the rules and he obeys Her. I'm talking about long term relationships or at least where that is the goal. Two people meet, date and fall in love. They live together or get married and he might even take Her name in a Female led relationship. Getting to that point is where the dating comes in. If all you want is the kink that's fine but if you plan on living together then whether you like it or not the kink is going to be a small part of it. You both still need to take care of the countless day to day things that everyone else does.
Working, paying the bills, eating, going out to movies or dancing or bowling and on the list goes. There is a good chance you won't both spend every moment in head to toe leather with him tied up and Her whipping his bad little butt. Before you ever get to the point of D s dating sites a residence you have to meet, spend time getting to know each other and either grow apart or together. There is a point Bf dating another girl like to make here and it is an important one. In most cases when the difficulties of the Ds lifestyle are discussed the difficulties talked about are the ones the sub has to deal with.
The Ladies have just as many problems and they should also be addressed. In spite of the stereotypical icon of the dominant Woman sitting carefree on Her throne being waited on hand and foot they D s dating sites to deal with all the relationship problems that confront them and everything else in their day to day lives. Even though the subs vastly outnumber the Domme's the Ladies run into a constant stream of males who are not what they want. The ever present do-me subs who are really looking for what they can get from Her instead of how they can please Her. Many have their list of things they want 'done to them.
Even in a long term relationship, once the sex is over it's time to be whatever they consider normal. For a Lady looking for a serious Female led relationship this will never work. Still another large group of gentlemen I use the term loosely honestly believe they are serious about wanting a Female led relationship only to find out they aren't suited to it once it begins. In many cases the males just disappear without a word. That is a cowardly thing to do and believe me, I've spoken to many Women who were hurt deeply over it. That's the age old problem of be careful what you wish for. The reality doesn't live up to the fantasy and the day to day drudgery of housework and serving Her lacks the luster of their dreams.
Getting up every morning, serving Her coffee and breakfast, making the beds, cleaning the house, doing the laundry is not like the life they imagined being suspended from the ceiling while She taunts and teases him and plays with him until he They are looking for funishments more than real punishments. When She crops his ass, denies him any sex and locks him in the closet for a night to really punish him all the joy goes out of it. There are also those who have never engaged in the lifestyle kink or otherwise and on the first crack of the whip they're screaming their safe words and running for the hills.
In all honesty you can't fault those guys because they had nothing to compare the reality to other than all the porn they spank their monkey to. The reason I mention these things is because they need to be considered when approaching a relationship, also known as dating. Whether Domme or sub, where to find someone who shares your desires is difficult. Finding a place that caters to the lifestyle in your home town is hard and even if you do most are too nervous of running into someone they know to even go there. So what do you do to find that special someone? Fortunately these days we have the internet and with a little work you can find places to go to meet others.
Munches are always the best as they are usually done in a public place which means safety. If you don't want to run the risk of meeting your boss at one of these, find one in a nearby town and go to it. They are listed on Fetlife and Craigslist and face book and many other places online. Do the work, find one and go to it. What could possibly go wrong? The problem is this. If you're looking for a long term relationship, you don't want to get involved with someone who just cares about the sex. On the other hand, you do want a sex life, and for kinky people in a vanilla crowd, you want to know if you're going to end up with your future Non Gender Specific Life Partner fleeing after you crack out the violet wand.
Because of this, it's often one of the first topics that kinky people dating in a mainly vanilla environment bring up - and it's one of the main reasons that they find themselves ignored or blocked by a potential match. The good news is there are ways to mitigate this problem. Finding a needleplayer in a haystack I'm a long term user of OKCupid. If OKCupid decides that they're kinky enough, they even get it mentioned on their personality metrics - but that said, an absence of that bar does not mean they're not a pervert. OKCupid, like any automated system, sometimes gets it wrong. What's also quite nice is that if you sign up for their paid service, A-List, you can actually order your search results by kinkiness.
So, armed with this information, you can pick and choose who you contact. Now, there's no need to bring up that you're kinky and look like a sex pest - mention it on your profile so that they can see what you're into, and qualify it by explaining at you're not just after a play partner in the same paragraph. The point here is that eventually, you're going to talk about sex, and that's absolutely brilliant. It usually shouldn't be the first thing to bring up, though, or you'll end up looking like the hundreds of hormonally-driven troglodytes that frequent Internet dating sites - so if you can find out how kinky a potential match is to start with, then you needn't wonder about wasting your time or freaking them out.
Kinky dating on vanilla sites: Dos and Don'ts Do - Be upfront on your profile about your kink. Mention that you were at a fetish club a few weeks ago or say something similar into conversation - but only if it can be said as part of the natural flow of the conversation.
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It'll suggest that you're active in kink and that it means sitws lot to you, which is good - datinb if you say it as a non-sequitur then we're back to looking like D s dating sites just looking to get laid. It will happen - and you do not want to a be a dick or b get a reputation for being a dick. Be very clear about the privacy implications of maintaining a profile. Vanilla dating sites are often a lot more open to the public and Google than you'd expect from something like FetLife. Don't - Let your discussion of kink on your profile take over the rest of it.